[font=微软雅黑][color=#333333][size=2]最近很多朋友发信让我指导下留学文书写作，实在无法一一作答。大家的提问很宽泛，三言两语说不清，敷衍也不礼貌，因为很多全局性的问题的解释需要较长的篇幅，别人开的帖子里写出来太招人讨厌还难消解。故汇聚所见所得于此处独立成文，供大家讨论参考。楼主之前的更新见下文链接，如有具体问题问询请点原文链接。[/size][/color][/font] [font=微软雅黑][size=2][color=#4169e1]文书写作二三谈（一）：Tell us something about yourself [url=http://www.gter.net/a-21114-1.html]http://www.gter.net/a-21114-1.html[/url] 文书写作二三谈（二）：晒简历晒成绩晒奖学金晒愚蠢 [url=http://www.gter.net/a-21126-1.html]http://www.gter.net/a-21126-1.html[/url][/color][/size][/font] [font=微软雅黑][size=2][color=#4169e1]文书写作二三谈（三）：自黑太严重了也很吓人！[/color][/size][/font] [font=微软雅黑][size=2][url=http://www.gter.net/a-21620-1.html]http://www.gter.net/a-21620-1.html[/url][/size][/font] [font=微软雅黑][size=2][b][color=#4169e1] [align=center][b][color=#4169e1]CASE 4 胡搅蛮缠瞎写的[/color][/b][/align][/color][/b] Despite leadership often being perceived as the role of a nominated individual within a team, there has been a growing amount of recognition within the business community of the importance of leadership being shown by individual team members. In an age of mobile networks, project-based teams spanning multiple continents, and business processes which have become more fluid, leadership, defined as the ability to take the responsibility for decisions made and to have the initiative to take those decisions, has become all the more crucial.[/size][/font][font=微软雅黑][size=2] 读了第一段，感觉是哪个academic journal还是杂志上直接摘过来。这是写给商学院的essay，跟整天研究leadership的人说官话吊书袋，岂不是找虐找挑战？please do not lecture the reader！！！ 最后一句话逻辑显然有问题。正常人都是先做决定然后承担这个决定带来的后果，就像女人先怀胎九月生个孩子然后再养，没有人先养孩子再生孩子吧。不知道作者是deliberate insult还是innocent oversight. 反正我是打死都没法相信这样的东西提交上去会有top 10 mba的奖学金。 语法上也有flaw作者写了一个很长的句子。核心是说leadership has become all the more crucial 在In an age of mobile networks 后加了两个短句子当修饰成分，玩弄技巧但是貌似没写对啊.. One example of leadership’s importance in the global workforce comes from the work I did on the China Mobile benchmarking project, which was my first project at KPMG Advisory, having transferred there in 2011 after 2 years of working as an auditor for KPMG. Working to multiple tight deadlines, the senior manager overlooking the account delegated responsibility to me for leading of a team made up of both my Chinese colleagues, including two new interns, a new employee at KPMG advisor, as well as two Portuguese colleagues, to meet with the client. As it was a benchmarking project, the meetings held with the client were designed to ascertain and locate sample operators that matched the client’s specifications in terms of location and business situation, as well as to establish the key financial and operational indicators to be used in the benchmarking.[/size][/font][font=微软雅黑][size=2] 她想说的意思是 自己在毕马威的审计部门工作了两年之后被调到毕马威的咨询 一般都是having been transferred 普通员工不能自作主张挪部门吧除非这地是你家开的。后来作者说both 我的中国同事然后下文也没有出现and. 其实她用as well as什么的读者也不是不理解,但这并不是规范得体的书面语。后面的key financial其实更妥切的说应该用复数(她后面的operational indicators是复数的 我没有做任何改动 就是原样搬过来的)。因为通常讲，评估企业的财务情况需要的财务指标一般得好几个。若问为何？这点名堂都看不出来的人还是不要出去读商科了。即使找到工作也混不下去.... xxx创始团队将全外籍名校顾问创作、保证最高质量的留学申请文书为宗旨（零错误，西式思维）。 MS in Linguistics from Oxford Univeristy and currently an Oxford Researcher (Linguistics); have done research in many fields, including English literature, education, history, philosophy, psychology, business, etc. （牛津大学语言学硕士，现为牛津大学语言学研究员；在英语文学，教育，历史，哲学，心理学，商科等领域有研究） 真是到处都是错误….和西式思维差距太远了…就是把申请者的cv拷贝了一遍 换了个说法而已。[/size][/font] [font=微软雅黑][size=2]原文作者：GWGWGW 原文链接：[url=http://bbs.gter.net/thread-1729391-1-1.html]http://bbs.gter.net/thread-1729391-1-1.html[/url] 寄托天下原创 转载请注明出处[/size][/font]